My Husband Was Killed by a Distracted Driver

A few months ago I went to a blogging conference and while everyone else looked like they knew someone there, I did not. A few minutes later Leah came over and sat next to me. I didn’t know Leah yet but I’m so glad I met her that day. While everyone else was listening to the welcome speech I was pouring over Leah’s blog and reading everything she hadn’t published yet. With tears running down my cheeks I looked at the incredible woman next to me with such admiration. She is a STRONG, powerful, funny woman who I know is going to make a difference in the lives of so many with her story. I am so thankful she accepted my offer to share her story on 614 Mom and I hope that you will all give her the love she deserves. Put your phone down while driving. IT CAN WAIT! Read her story below.

XO,

Eryn

On June 15, 2018, I had major foot surgery, the next day my husband was killed. 

The Collision

It was a sunny, blue skyed day in June. He was driving a tractor, pulling equipment down a straight road in the middle of the afternoon. He was rear-ended by a lady, who was using her cell phone to shop online. He was thrown from the tractor and slammed into the pavement, he didn’t die instantly, he suffered.  

In a matter of 24 hours, I had gone from a normal wife, to a widow raising four kids nine and under by myself while unable to walk. My life was rocked to the core. A decision, that I wasn’t even there for, has forever changed my life, our family, friends, community, and stranger's lives. Things will never be the same.

John

John farmed, but was also a controls engineer designing machines for metal foundries across North America. He was scheduled for several machine installation soon after the crash, these had to be rescheduled and many people were scrambling to learn the machine and how to make it work. His company had to hire several new employees to attempt to fill the hole he left behind.

But, for us, there was no way we could ever fill our hole he left behind. My youngest, was only 8 months old when he was killed. She will never know her dad. My three-year-old, she started to hold funerals for her dolls because everything she loves dies. My six-year-old son, the only boy, will never have his dad play catch with him in the backyard. And my oldest, at the age of nine, is a spitting image of him, was never able to give him the Father’s Day gift that she had spent weeks designing. Did I mention that he was killed the night before Father’s Day? That was traumatic.

And me? I lost my high-school sweetheart. I lost my parenting partner, my best friend, my everything. Our financial security was gone.  I was no longer anonymous in our small town, we were all over the newspapers. Gradually, I lost many of our shared friends. I was lost.  Not a single thing in my life had been left unchanged. 

Life After The Collision

I went back to teaching in the fall, as a third and fourth grade Special Education Teacher at a neighboring district and things fell apart even more. My own kids were struggling, they weren’t sleeping through the night, we cried ourselves to sleep each night. I couldn’t keep up with the demands of my job.  The demands of keeping a stable home for my kids. The paperwork and legalities when your spouse dies are immense. My mental health had hit rock bottom, my physical health too. I’m still struggling to keep things afloat over 16 months later, it’s not getting any easier. 

The most disheartening thing about our situation is that it wasn’t a result of anything either of us did wrong. We had no part in the decision that took his life. A lady, who chose to pick up her phone instead of paying attention to the road, hit a tractor because she wasn’t looking. 

You didn’t wake up today wanting to kill someone, but if you pick up your phone while you are driving you are making that choice. It can wait. Seriously, it can. There is nothing that you need to do on your phone today that is more important than someone’s life. I would argue that there is nothing that you have ever done on your phone that is worth becoming a murderer.  

The choice is yours. We are in this together, think of my family the next time you reach for your phone while driving and make a better choice. Be vocal to those you love about not using their phones while on the road. Together, we can make the world a better place for all of our families. 

Leah Fullenkamp has spent 14 years in education as an elementary teacher, and several Ohio school districts.  She now runs In the Blink of a Fly a blog detailing her families healing after her husband was traumatically killed and sharing the dangers of distracted driving. 

You can find more information on her website, Facebook and Instagram