All I Want for April is Acceptance.

Thank you to my dear friend Terra for writing this piece so we can all learn from her. You can follow her podcast Normal with Autism, on Instagram for more amazing content.

All I want for April is acceptance.

In March of 2014, I sat in a small sterile office at the local children’s hospital with my husband and youngest son. He was 2 1/2 years old at the time, and we were waiting for the conclusions of an autism screening that involved several helping professionals and lasted 4 hours.

We wanted to hear the good news that all the therapies and work we completed over the last 12 months paid off in helping him catch up developmentally.

In March of 2013, my son Finn was diagnosed with epileptic encephalopathy. A hazardous form of epilepsy that impacts his learning and development in very negative ways. I stopped working as a mental health therapist and devoted myself to being his full-time caregiver. I spent many hours and days with Finn in therapies and doctor visits, working on everything from speech to matching skills. It was all to help his development move forward as his seizures had significantly impacted his growth.

 We sat waiting for the developmental doctor to give us the results; I held my breath, hoping for good news. Her following statement, Finn has severe autism and needs help right away, was not a surprise, but it was not what I wanted to hear. His actual written report included the statement “Finn is at great risk for mental retardation…” should he not receive interventions. I remember leaving the office confused and grief-struck. I was confused because I could not fully grasp what it meant for my child to have an autism diagnosis. Grief-stricken because of the looks on the physicians’ faces, I knew it wasn’t good.

Today, in 2021, I can tell you I thought his autism diagnosis was a tragedy in 2014. I am a mental health professional, and I did not know a lot about autism. I knew enough to understand it wasn’t something you wanted your 2-year-old to be diagnosed with. I also knew enough to know that the words the doctors used at the time to describe his high support needs scared me into many sleepless nights figuring out how to get him into full-time behavior therapy as quickly as I could. I also felt less alone when people bought puzzle piece cookies or wore blue on April 2nd, world autism awareness day. My friends would tag me in posts saying they were lighting it up blue for Finn. In the end, I do not fault them at all. And I realize now those efforts were about me and not about what my son needed.

Today, I know better. Now, I know that my son being autistic is not a disaster. Autism is not the catastrophe that I pictured. What is distressing is that seven years later, I still fight every day for my son to be accepted as the entire, complete, worthy human being that he is.  Even more problematic is the knowledge that as he gets older and bigger on his way to becoming an adult disabled male, some in my local community will fear him simply because he is autistic. Acceptance will grow rarer as the years pass.

Why, after all these years, puzzle pieces, and lighting it up blue, is it still difficult for autistic people to be accepted? The difference is the passive awareness that many folks still engage in and the active acceptance that is harder to do but worth the work. An author for an Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) post states, “Awareness is all about creating a sense of urgency and fear. Awareness efforts present us as a problem to be solved…Acceptance comes from a place of understanding…Understanding takes work. People first need to acknowledge us as individuals- three-dimensional, growing, developed characters. We are not all the same, and we are not but a collection of deficits.”

My son is not broken, and he is not a collection of deficits or things he can not do. What would life be like for your child if the only focus from the adults in their lives were on what milestones they did not reach? If you ever want to find out, I invite you to join me in the next Individual Education Plan (IEP) meeting with my local school district. 

You might be asking me now, “Terra, what can I do instead of light it up blue for April?” Here are some questions to ask yourself and ways to practice acceptance of autistic people every day.

First, ask, “Do I rely on autistic people or their caregivers to educate me about autism?” If the answer is yes, you have some work to do. Start with a book by an actually autistic individual. “The Reason I Jump” is a great one. While writing this, I googled “autistic authors,” and I need to get to my local bookstore soon.  The list I found is extensive.

Second, if you are a leader in a community space (i.e., church), ask yourself, “How would my organization respond if a family and their autistic loved one walked into this space tomorrow to hang out with other members in their community?” For example, if you are a church, would the autistic loved one be welcomed into the worship space just as they to hear the message from the pastor.  If the answer is no, you have some work to do. Many families with autistic loved ones experience conditional acceptance based on ignorance and lack of willingness to make space for that family to show up fully as themselves. Ask how you and your other community leaders how can we support that family in a way that treats them like everyone else.

Finally, ask yourself do autistic folks and organizations that actually support autistic people show up in your social media feed. If the answer is no, you have some work to do. Some of my favorite folks to follow are https://www.instagram.com/the.autisticats/

And a great organization to check out is autisminblack.org

Acceptance is a verb.  Do the work.  Take the action. My son and all the kids and adults like him thank you in advance.

More about Terra: I am a wife, mom, podcaster, writer, therapist, daughter and friend. I work hard to keep all those plates spinning and humor is my coping skill.

My two boys, Q and Finn are my favorite human beings on the planet. Finn was diagnosed with epilepsy and autism before he turned three years old. He is a non-speaking kid that has a lot to say. Q is growing up way to fast and likes to bring it up every day by saying how much taller he is than me. My husband and I have been together since we were 19. Our family motto is “Making it up as we go along”.

I want to know more about your family. Come follow me on Facebook and Instagram and share your joy with me.

Diving Deep Into My Meditation Practice | Intro to Meditation + Mystical Series with Wild Sage Collective

I was first introduced to Erica from Wild Sage a few years ago as I sobbed through a meditation she was leading. I was sitting there holding my Modmala with a full-on ugly cry, gasping for air, and sobbing-induced hiccups.  When the meditation was over, I apologized to her for sobbing through the meditation and thanked her for being exactly what I needed during a very difficult part of my life.  I don’t remember her exact words but I know that she was calm and comforting and I left feeling like I could breathe.  For the first time in weeks, I could breathe. 

It was this moment that popped out to me when I was in need of a personal reset earlier this year.  I knew this was the moment I needed to dive deeper into my meditation practice and have something steady that I could use to feel peace and calm when life seemed so uncertain.

A quick Facebook message to my friend, Erica, and I was signed up for the next Intro to Meditation + Mystical Series 1:1

Meditation

Fine-tuning my mediation practice was the main reason I wanted to sign up for this series.  I needed help working on ways to practice while at home with everyone at home.  Working 1:1 with Erica I was able to troubleshoot all of the things so I could come up with options that work best for me. I knew this was the best option for me because Erica is a rule-breaker and with the life, I live I need to be able to meditate and focus on different elements of a mindful practice in unique ways that don’t follow the typical rules. 

 A few of the ideas we came up with - 

1. Meditate while nursing and snuggling the baby in the mornings while the house is still calm

2. Creating a special space for myself that’s only for me and visit that space when possible or needed 

3. Connect in nature.  Taking a walk alone, focusing on the sounds, my breathing, and the little things I’d miss otherwise.

Journaling

One of the first things Erica suggested was journaling.  This one was hard for me. I’m a perfectionist and journaling is something I struggle with because I feel like when I put pen to paper I need to write something beautiful not to mention I need a new notebook that inspires me.  I couldn’t start journaling until I could get a brand new notebook and feel inspired to write something beautiful.  

When I told Erica about this she laughed, not at me, but with me. She completely understood where I was coming from but gently encouraged me to just do it anyway.  Just write - it can be one word or more. It can be in a brand new notebook or a scrap piece of paper.  Just write down your thoughts. 

Listening to her advice was powerful.  I started writing just like she said and it was so freeing.  Releasing those thoughts onto paper helped me sleep better, allowed me to confront certain feelings head-on, and just helped get me ready for great meditation. 

Chakra & Crystals

I knew very little about chakras and crystals before this 1:1 series with Erica.  Erica broke it down for me in such a way that it was easy to understand and remember.  I still took lots of notes and refer to her website often for refreshers.  

My favorite meditation is currently the one where I call in my different chakras, ask them for any messages, and thank them.  It is truly one of the most powerful things I took away from my journey with Erica.  

I actually shared more about crystals on Instagram - head over there to check it out.  

What is  Intro to Meditation + Mystical Series 1:1? 

In this 1:1 series with Erica, you will walk through a customized 5-week journey learning about how to cultivate & maintain your meditation practice while diving deep into & demystifying ancient wisdom teachings. Learn about chakras, crystals, meditation, your personal birth star mantra, and so much more.  It’s completely customizable to what you want to learn and truly a one-of-a-kind experience.  

I plan to keep going through so stay tuned on social media and the blog to keep learning. If you reach out to Erica - tell her I sent you :) 

5 Books I'm Loving Right Now! June 2020

I’ve always loved reading but I’ll be realllllly honest. Being a mom and a business owner, while juggling everything else in life, I found it really hard to find time to escape into the stories that I once loved. It’s definitely a mix of being so tired after a long day that I fall asleep five minutes after starting to read my book, and just sometimes wanting to let my mind escape into the wonderful world of Netflix.

A lot of people say they should read more like it’s something they are checking off of the Adulting 101 to-do list, but for me, it’s more about missing that connection with the characters I used to feel so connected to. The thing that was once my escape was just pushed off to the side as just another thing I couldn’t fit into my life during this season.

Quarantine really gave me the excuse to slow down and be more intentional with my time and one of the things that I decided to focus on was connecting with new characters and getting lost in stories that I can’t get enough of.

I’ve put together the list of books I’ve read over the last few months in case you are also wanting to get lost in a great story.

I want to make note that I read Small Fry a little over a year ago but it was so good I wanted to make sure it made this list.

I’ll be sure to share July’s book picks as well, I’m currently busy *researching* aka - ready the best stories and going to bed way toooo late. Have a recommendation for me? Share them in the comments.

Educated

This book was recommended to me by so many people before I finally got around to reading it. The author, Tara Westover, does a beautiful job telling the story of her experiences in a world of fear, abuse, neglect, self-discovery, forgiveness, and so much more. I had so many moments of true connection to the author and found myself cheering so loudly for her by the end.

If you have it on your list of books you want to read, move it to the top. If not, add it to the list.

Buy It!

UNTAMED

This one was a book club read. I loved it so much, I stopped reading it and restarted it with my daughter. There were moments or chapters that I would skip over to keep it age-appropriate but I think the messages in this book are so powerful that she needed to hear them.

“When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.” - Glennon Doyle, Untamed.

Grab Yours Now!

Small Fry

I remember reading an excerpt of this book before it came out and immediately preordering the book. While a lot of people were looking forward to hearing from the daughter of Steve Jobs, I was eager for someone to share a story that I could connect with. As someone with a complicated relationship with a parent it’s hard sometimes because it’s not something people talk about, or a story you see often in books and movies. This book helped me feel less alone. I didn’t want it to end. I needed more.

Buy It!

Little Fires Everywhere

I love great stories with complicated characters and multiple perspectives. Little Fires Everywhere is such a powerful story that reminds us that everyone is human, we all have different lives, perspectives, pain, joy, and every experience helps shape us into the people we are. You may recognize the title from the new Hulu series.

Grab Yours Now!

Where The Crawdad Sings

I recently bought this book upon recommendations from basically everyone on social media. I agree that it’s such a great read and it’s perfect to be diving into right now with elements of resilience, hope, and survival.

Shop Now!

10 Things I Wish People Knew About Anxiety

It’s no secret that anxiety is something I’ve lived with for most of my life.  I spent many years as a young child with paralyzing anxious thoughts that would cause me to just cry and cry. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I went from a self-diagnoses to a real official diagnosis by my therapist and primary care doctor.  With the help of some great people in my life, I’ve learned to manage my anxiety so it simply doesn’t control me anymore.  I still have moments but I’m able to come out of those moments much easier than before because of the tools I’ve learned.

Through my experiences, I’ve found that there are a lot of things I wish people knew about anxiety. I don’t speak for all people with anxiety - every experience is unique and different but I hope this helps you in some way, even if it’s just showing more grace to those you love with anxiety or accepting that words like anxiety and depression should not come with a stigma.

Anxiety doesn’t make me weak. 

Let me say it again - Anxiety DOES NOT make me or anyone else weak. I’m actually incredibly strong and that’s in part because of everything anxiety has taught me. 

The unknown is scary for me

The unknown can be one of my biggest stressors.  Pregnancy often causes me a lot of stress because there are so many things that are unknown.  I love my babies but my anxiety is much worse when pregnant.  

I love the details.

Details! Every little detail matters to me, even the smallest things.  Truly no detail is too small.  It may seem so annoying to you but to me, it’s just helping to stay in control of the possible unknown.

I can’t control my anxiety attacks

Anxiety attacks happen and good-intentioned people will say “but that’s not happening” and “you don’t know that” 

They are right - I don’t know if that thing would happen but I do know that at that moment that’s all my brain was focused on.  I couldn’t shake it. This happens sometimes and I do have medicine to help during those moments, but it’s still hard.

I know that my thoughts can be irrational but that doesn’t stop my brain from spiraling out of control

There is a part of me that is fully aware of how irrational my thoughts are but this other part is much louder.  It makes me feel like even though it may not be real right this second, that doesn’t mean it isn’t real tomorrow or the next day.  Which brings in my fear of the unknown.  

Certain tv shows, songs, or stories can trigger an anxiety attack

I saw something the other day about how people with anxiety love to watch the same shows over and over because they know what to expect and I felt that.  I almost always google the ending of a show or movie before watching it. While most people hate spoilers - I LOVE them.  Give me the bullet points and I’ll still enjoy watching it play out. I love the story NOT the anticipation.  

I love control. LOVE IT!

I like to feel in control of a situation, and I like to be prepared for anything. By being in control I can make sure I’m overly prepared.  

Medication is helpful but it doesn’t just take away all the pain 

I have tools I can use to help - medication, meditation, breathing techniques, and more.  While all of this helps it doesn’t solve everything. I still have anxious moments. 

Anxious thoughts can paralyze me

I strive for perfection and if I mess up my anxiety can paralyze me.  It can also cause me to pull away from those I love. 

I really hope I don’t pass this down to my kids

I’m really good at coping with my anxiety and I don’t think this is a weakness but I really hope my kids don’t ever have to go through this.  This is hard and I don’t ever want them to have to experience this. If they do though, I will be right there with them making sure they know they don’t have to walk through it alone.  

I don’t speak for everyone with anxiety, this is my experience and I hope that if you have similar feelings that you know that you’re not alone. 

5 Frequently Asked Questions: My Blogging Journey

I get a lot of questions in various forms - in person, through social media, and sometimes through email. I’ve put together a list of them to answer on the blog and decided it would be easiest to break them down by category. Some of the categories include things like favorite places to eat, my blogging journey, entertainment, parenting, mental health, and more.

I thought today as I kick off this new series, I would talk about the start of 614 Mom and all of the questions surrounding the logistics of the blog. Blogging is popular but a lot of people still don’t really understand it, which I get. It’s weird. Being able to share things I love and make a living for my family is a dream. It gives me the flexibility I need and the fun creative challenges I crave. Today I’m answering some of the questions I get most often. I can always do a part two another day.

Questions are always welcome and I love talking to all of you so please reach out if you have a question you’d like me to answer!

Why did you start 614 Mom?

I started 614 Mom almost 6 years ago as a fun outlet after I started staying home with my two little kids.  I was on the hunt for fun things to do with my kids that were more unique and fun and decided to start sharing them on Instagram. I just wanted to write and share my thoughts with other moms.  I wanted to create a space for moms that’s about us. Yes, we love our families and doing fun things with them and we love ourselves. We can do both. We should do both.  I had no idea what I was doing but I learned a lot along the way and luckily so much of it is so natural for me. It’s worth noting that this was also before the big blogging boom in Columbus.

When did it transition from hobby to business?  

I still vividly remember my first sponsored post. I can remember sitting at my desk downstairs typing, going downtown with my new camera to take pictures, and putting everything together. It was so much fun. I was in love with this world.   I was so shocked that someone wanted to pay me to share about their business.  Once I posted that piece, it started to flow and more sponsorship requests started hitting my inbox. I am so grateful for each and every one of the emails I got and still get, asking to be an advertiser on my site.  

How do I (your reader) know the difference between something you’re getting paid for and something you’re just sharing to share?

Great question. First I want to say that I only share about products or services that I genuinely LOVE! I’ve turned down countless opportunities to bring in more income because I couldn’t stand behind the product or service with confidence.

With that being said how cool is it that I can be paid for my time and effort while also sharing about something that I love? Dream job!  With that being said below are a few terms you’ll see on my site and what they mean. 

Ad, Sponsored and Paid Partnership are all terms that describe that I am being paid to share about the products and services.  

Gifted is the term I will use if I am sent something for free. 

Hosted is the term I use when a business is hosting myself and/or my family for an event, trip, etc.  

Affiliate - Being an affiliate means I get a small percentage of the sale if any of you purchase from that link.  It doesn’t cost you any more to use that link, it just allows me to make a small amount of money for the work I do. When I say small I mean anywhere from 2% to 10% but generally not more than 5% of the sale.  Every single click adds up though so purchasing through my affiliate links is always appreciated.  

Is 614 Mom your full-time job

It’s not.  I used to do this full time and what I found was that I was so worried about the numbers and it stressed me out and took the fun away.  I’m really happy with where it’s at now - I get to post what I want and not focus on keeping up while still doing what I love. It is a job though - just a really fun one and not full time.  :) 

I actually own a digital marketing firm as well which is technically my full-time job.   I help businesses with their online presence, teach classes on blogging and social media, and help small businesses with their workflows.  I LOVE being able to do both.  I love my jobs and how they fit so nicely together.  

What advice would you give to someone who wants to start a blog?  

Create a plan! Figure out what you love, pick a name, build your site, and start writing.  Make sure that you’ve planned it out so that you can push through those days that are filled with busy schedules and writers’ block.  I personally love Squarespace and Canva to help me produce the best content possible.  If you have more questions I’m always happy to answer - send me an email or check out the classes that I teach.  Either way, I’m always here to help!

What other questions do you have for me?  Drop them in the comments.  

Anxiety, Candy, and Playing it Safe | A Letter From Eryn

I believe so fiercely in the power of connection. It’s incredibly powerful the good we can do by simply connecting with others. This summer I was officially diagnosed with anxiety after experiencing so much anxiety my entire life.

I was always the emotional one, the one that cried at everything, the grumpy one because sometimes my face gets serious which is the opposite of how I normally look, or the forceful one who needed to control everything. I once went two weeks eating mainly gummy bears, skittles, and starbursts because my anxiety upset my stomach so much that I couldn’t eat anything.

Even as a kid, many would joke about it because they didn’t know what was really going on inside of my brain. I took their jokes to heart and it only caused me to stress even more. I knew I was different. I always felt so outside of everyday experiences because I couldn’t enjoy them like everyone else. I was so jealous of how people could enjoy simple moments of life, driving while it rains, swimming with my kids, going on a quick trip with my husband without the kids. When going through my diagnosis I started sharing bits and pieces on social media and you guys were all so great. You shared your stories with me, you trusted me, and confirmed that I made the right choice in sharing.

614 Mom is a safe space. I am committed to being a safe space for you to feel connected. I never want any of you to feel alone like I did for so many years. 614 Mom is changing a little…in the best way possible. I want to share more about the hard stuff, the real-life stuff…keep reading to learn a little about my decision and please know that I’m still here. I’m still me. Columbus and the best things to do here will always be part of this website, but I’m ALSO going to be diving into more amazing stuff.

I may never be an expert in your life but I can be a shoulder to lean on. My inbox is always open.

I have always been honest and authentic but now I’m going to also be vulnerable.

I am so incredibly excited to launch this new .website I’ve worked so hard on this and to see it all come to life is just so exciting!!!!!

The Original Vision

When 614 Mom launched 5 years ago I knew exactly what I wanted to do - bring really amazing content to moms of Columbus.  The best of the best. I never wanted to be your Google or provide the content you could find on any other site. For a long time, this worked very well.  614 Mom launched our annual event, Celebrating You, an event dedicated to celebrating Mother’s Day in our very first year, we’ve hosted water safety classes, created a moms group, helped you plan birthday parties and pick preschools, and SO MUCH MORE.  

Let’s be really honest though - Columbus experienced a large blogging BOOM in 2016/2017. It seemed everyone with an Instagram account was now an influencer and the market was oversaturated. I had numerous people who would watch what I did and try to copy it exactly and all of a sudden we were all competing for the same eyeballs and writing all of the same content.  It was hard to say it mildly. This dream I had was quickly becoming something everyone was doing. It took away my joy. I tried to shift, I tried to adjust and create content in unique ways but ultimately it was the same restaurant opening that 9934989 other bloggers were talking about on the same night and it just didn’t feel right (just one example). I love my fellow bloggers. This is not about them at all - I love how creative they are and how they’ve found their thing.

Ultimately I lost the creative spark in 614 Mom.

Columbus was my security blanket.

So I wrote, I posted on social, I lived my life and I just kept going through the motions, until this summer. 

If I’m being honest I used Columbus as a security blanket for a long time. If I just tell people where to find the best ice cream - I won’t get any negative feedback. Trolls can’t hate ice cream. Let’s be honest even if they do it’s probably directed at the ice cream place. Not me.  I hate the thought of letting you guys down so I played it safe. Playing it safe didn’t resonate with you guys - I know this because I can see the analytics, comments, and messages. You LOVE when I talk about the REAL stuff.  Before I started treating my anxiety I literally could not handle negative feedback. It would cause me to crumble. Not anymore.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m refusing to play it safe anymore. You reminded me that this 614 Mom community is about so much more than Columbus or where to grab a mimosa (but I mean bottomless mimosas are a lot of fun!) This community is about lifting each other up, supporting without judgment, and being good humans. 

My creative heart is full again because of all of you.  We’re about to shake some things up. I will still be talking about Columbus and my favorite experiences but I’m also going to be talking about mental health, anxiety, talking to my kids about hard things, and so much more. 

Are you ready?

Who is a 614 Mom? 

A 614 Mom is an authentic, loving, caring, kind, honest, badass woman! She knows that self-care is both mental and physical and doesn’t have to cost a thing.  She believes in boundaries and self-love. 614 Moms support one another without judgment and with love. 614 Moms ask for help when they need it without guilt. 614 Moms take no bullshit.  

This change isn’t waiting for the first of the year it’s happening. Actually, it’s already happened.  While the new design launches today - the spirit has already transitioned.  

If this isn’t what you love that’s totally fine by me.  There are plenty of other resources for you that focus solely on Columbus.  I want to focus on the humans.  

I love you all. I mean that.  I am thankful for you! I am here for you. 

XO,

Eryn

20 FREE Ways to Practice Self Love

I truly believe that loving ourselves is so important to our mental health.  We must take care of ourselves before we can take care of others and one of the ways we can take care of ourselves is by practicing self love.  It can be as simple as lighting our favorite candle or as fun as riding our bike on our favorite bike path.  I've complied a list of 20 ways you can practice self love FOR FREE!!! If you have something you think I should add to the list, tell me in the comments! I'd love to hear your ideas!

Sleep in

Wear something you feel great in

Gaze at the stars

Take a leisurely walk

Take a fitness class (Yoga would be a great relaxing option) - you can get a trial pass at a lot of places. Just call and ask. Mention 614 Mom at Life Time Dublin or Easton and get a free day pass. 

Roll down your windows and sing to great music

Take a nap

Give yourself a pedicure

Watch a favorite/funny movie

Make a homemade face mask and relax

Burn your favorite candle

Color

Take a mental health day

Paint using watercolors

Watch the sunset

Learn something new

Go to the Columbus Museum of Art (Free on Sundays)

Give yourself a manicure

Go to bed early

Say ‘No!” - You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. If you don’t want to do something or can’t do it - say no and be okay with it.